i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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