the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
