One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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