Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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