i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
