I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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