My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
