um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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