I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
