I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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