I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This baby is an asshole
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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