FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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