Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
