before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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