Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
