i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
