why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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