i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
