Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
