giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
