Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
