I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My pussy is not your playground.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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