Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
