Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
