lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize