I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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