just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
