Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
