how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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