Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
