i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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