It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
