who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
