On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
