life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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