hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
