He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
