I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
nutella sex= disaster
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
