omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We're not piercing ourselves today.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
