WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
