Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
