i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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