dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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