his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you will always have a special place in my vag
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
