Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
