He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
