My boss' voice literally gives me gas
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
