Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just tell him i said nine months
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
