what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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