You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You made out with two different species that night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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