Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
