i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
