'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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