life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it glows. i had to have it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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