And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
