Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
