I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
