u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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