Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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