You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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