two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
