Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
