You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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