I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
