Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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