If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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